My commitment to healing myself and my family became my life’s work. I created a process that brings the unconscious to the surface, allowing for a deep awareness to who you are and to your higher consciousness. This process re-wires old patterns that are no longer serving you. Removing blocks, identifying triggers, gaining deep awareness, becoming present and elevating your consciousness and elevating your life.
When I was a little girl, my life was filled with polarity. It was the early 1970’s and my parents, being just teenagers, were dealing with major life issues. Both were very loving, funny, generous, and strong spirits but they struggled with the patterns and beliefs they had been given and unconsciously strengthened. They also had created many patterns to which they would become unaware of and certainly not capable of changing them due to lack of awareness. These patterns, completely unintentional, impacted them and me deeply.
I learned early in my life to separate love and actions. I had a bright light connected to spirit with a lot of love and compassion for my family. When bad or dramatic circumstances happened, I was able to see both sides of things, such as what my family wanted to do and what they actually did. As a child, I separated the bad and the good and grabbed onto the positive in order to survive, instilling the essence of searching for the good and overlooking the negative or the bad. Starting as early as 4 years old, I cared so much and wanted to help that I automatically took it as my “job”, even if it was a sacrifice over what I needed or wanted, it just became second nature for me.
This “job” that I unconsciously took for myself became natural for me; help people, omit my personal needs and feel good about it. This became entangling and an unconscious pattern that created havoc in my life and relationships. I was unconsciously sacrificing myself for others automatically when I helped them and they didn’t even know it. So if they didn’t appreciate it or reciprocate it when I needed them, I took that as hurt. Colluding my present with this unconscious job and pattern.
Through time and experience, I learned that these were my early wirings and a portion of my love language, which I declared my Original Operating System. These thoughts and behaviors became a part of my identity and automatic way of being and how I showed up in life. As I grew and evolved, I learned my True Operating System and the spirit of who I am, in my highest self as a loving, caring, leader, helper and guide that could love without attachments or abandonment to love. My True Operating System is infinite, connected, a leader, a guide, elevated and full of love and compassion. I did not really trust this because of the wound and entanglement and didn’t learn to separate this until much later in my life, so it was constantly being ignored and put on the back burner to my patterns, like a quiet voice in a loud room.
I spent my entire life trying to be better, feel better, stop reacting, stop the triggers, stop attracting or being attracted to unhealthy people and to heal. I immersed myself in psychology, spiritualty, neuroscience, quantum mechanics, ancient Yoga teachings and many other leadership and spiritual self-help modalities. I made this my number #1 priority in my life, my main job. It took me over 20 years to see the process I created.
Once I became aware of the unconscious Original Operating System and patterns, I could see them more clearly. I was then able to bring them out of the dark which set me to ease and feeling empowered immediately. Awareness, however, is only the first step and the foundation for change and a short term solution. As humans we have a tendency to stop once we feel better and move on, which is why it took me so long to change.
The pattern is like a muscle and to weaken it you must stop using it. To create a new muscle, it needs a new point of interest and repetition and attention. The key distinction is in the stopping of using the muscle and to get present from the True Operating System and not present from the use of the rational, intellectual mind.
I began to see my patterns change when I became aware of them in their totality and was able to stop using them and unhook. From the eyes of now the observer, rendered the allowance to get present, connect to my True Operating System, creating that new point of interest of making conscious choices. Once all the pieces became clear, my life transformed and the long game of conscious change opened up. Through this process I have created, so can yours. Awareness, presence and conscious choice.
Thank you for sharing in this with me and so I’m excited about your expansion and elevated consciousness.
Intuitive Awareness Trainer and Pattern Healer